Communication :(

Letter 10: Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Dear childhood best buddy,

Yeah you know who you are :) and you know how it is. Different schools, different friends, different lives. We live on opposite sides of town and since you stopped coming to church and youth, I never get to see you anymore.

I know it’s my fault too. I’m always so tangled up in school work and I never have time for you. I can’t remember the last time we talked on the phone, the last time you replied to my text or we had a decent conversation online.

I do remember the last time I saw you. I can’t believe three months have passed! I feel ashamed when people ask me how you are or where you are and I’m obliged to reply that I have no idea, even though we call each other our best buddy.

The cool thing with us was that even when all our other friends drifted away, me and you never did. I am certain that if you dropped by tomorrow, it would be as if we’d never been apart. I know just what to say to stir you up and you’ve got a good dose of blackmail up your sleeve to get any secrets out of me.

I know that we’re not the reason we’ve drifted apart. It’s because we just don’t talk to each other anymore. It tears me up inside to think that there are so many accessible forms of communication, yet none of them have been able to keep us connected. I guess when it comes down to it we really need to take responsibility for what has happened and I am willing to do that. I’m willing to admit that I’m not perfect and that I’m pretty off-shot when it comes to arranging priorities.

I’m sorry. I guess these are the times that I’ve got to trust God knows what he’s doing. But then I only pinch myself for having not prayed for you as much as I ought.

Either way, I have a lil letter inside an envelope ready to take up to your nan’s house. I’ll miss you this summer & I wish we could be together. But I believe there will be a time when we’re together again and hopefully, it won’t be too long.

I miss you.

Always and forever, your “best buddy”.

To Send Or Backspace?

Did you ever go to write someone a text message but you had nothing to say? You just wanted to talk to them?

Or did you ever have something to say but you didn’t have the heart to send it?

So you backspace.

But then you write it again… look at it and… backspace?

Gosh do you know the feeling?

I got words on the tip of my tongue

they tingle down to my fingers.

I got words to breathe out of my lungs

but I’m scared of getting splinters.

So I whip out the phone.

My muscles spin

my hearts sings

what I’m feeling’s written on the screen.

But it goes to the bin.

Are my feelings a sin?

I’ve only courage enough to keep the slate clean.

I want you to know

there are feelings to show

even when I don’t have the words.

I want you to know

that I want you alone

cause right now my heart beating hurts.

Yes I want you to know

I’ll sit by the phone

and  sit by the phone

waiting for courage to birth.

© retracingme