Whose Dreams?

Letter 5: Your Dreams…

Dear ‘dreams’,

Whose dreams are you anyway? My dreams? The world’s dreams? My peer’s dreams? God’s dreams? Because everybody has a dream right?

Wrong.

For I am not so sure I posses such dreams. If you, dreams, are characterised by wishful indulgences, desirable profits and hopes for a future, I am not sure I am familiar with thee, for I cherish none.

The world about me whispers that we each have a dream. Some lofty goal in life that, if we belive hard enough, will be extraordinarily obtained. And I often fear, what if. What if I have no dream, goal, purpose desire? Will I thus be deprived of obtaining any value from life?

I am not overtly bothered by the absence of dreams. Oh how I used to be. Pages upon pages from diary upon diary were spent pleading with God to show me his intended path for my life. I asked him to reveal to me those goals that my surroundings declare I must bear, somewhere deep within me. But it seems I eventually gave up, or more so I didn’t seem to mind anymore whether I knew my dreams or not.

Do I know you? I mean do I really? You’re a part of me yes? You and my flesh are entwined yet I cannot find your eye so as to stare into it and see your motives, your plans that will in time become my existence.

Perhaps ‘dreams’ is just a fashionable label for what is more commonly known as our own personal ‘wants and desires’. I will admit I am flourished with these but I do not suppose they are significant enough to guide me in my life’s purpose or direct me in my present and future steps.

For my wants are ever-changing. They are admittedly very shallow and I deem them unimportant. Not worthy of my time or in any need of my worrisome bother.

The truth is, dreams, that I do not need you. When asked what I want to do when I leave school, I have no shame in admitting I have no current idea, though the days are speedily approaching. Sure I often wonder what it would be like to be that boy, who has known his whole life he’d like to be a pilot. I’d love to understand how that girl could possibly know that she was called for a career in medicine. I’m sure the certainty of ‘dreams’ would give them a lot mor motivation to work hard at school but quite frankly I don’t have those desires so there’s no point pretending.

The truth is I don’t feel that any earthly understanding, and knowledge or wisdom obtained will help me. So rather than embarking on an ill attempt at progressing through life myself, I’ve handed it straight over to my creator.

Dreams. You are not my own, for indeed I have none. I make it an effort to cast off my selfish desires and marinate my heart in the hope and promise of the Lord. I know that what he wants in my life will prevail and there is no need for me to worry about satisfying my worldly needs.

Jesus knows every single thing about me, even how many hairs I have on my head. Gosh he knows more about me than I do myself. Hence I will place my heart and my life in his capable hands, ready for him to lead me forward in faith. For I trust that in the absence of dreams lies a heart content with the plan of the Lord for within our hearts we find peace.

If I put God first in my life, God will take care of the rest. Psalm 37:4 says: “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

Over-and-out dreams, Your mothership, Nicola.

Who Am I?

At the moment I am writing an essay for Society & Culture entitled ‘Who Am I?’

And it sparked this thought inside of me.

I don’t know who I am,

but I know who I’m not.

I don’t know who I want to be,

but I know who I don’t want to be,

and I trust that will suffice.

I have no idea if that is morally correct or whatever. Sure I have God and without him I would be starving for a purpose. For now I don’t really know what I want to do, where I want to be or who I am or ever will be. But I know who I don’t want to be and where I don’t want to ever find myself. If I just keep moving forward in faith I know I’ll find myself in a good place. I don’t have to doubt my purpose just because it isn’t plainly obvious at this very moment. I just have to trust God.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight”. Proverbs 3:5

Doing Dishes = Good Essay

So I had an essay to write.

Due tomorrow. Hadn’t started it when I got home from school today. Was freaking out a fair bit because it’s Extension English so it has to be pretty good quality writing to get marks.

We’re reading The Portrait of a Lady in class and we got into trouble because we hadn’t read enough of it. Haha so my teacher made us write an essay in an abstract way hinting at why we hadn’t read it.

Anyway I got home. Got started. Had dinner. And guess what? My parents asked me to do the dishes. I was like ‘no, I can’t! I told you I have an essay to do.’ I kinda kicked up a bit of a fuss but my dad’s been heaps sick and my mum’s tired and they layed the guilt trip on me and I knew I had to do it.

So I stayed and did the dishes. None of this half-job business. I did it properly. All the while I was praying, “Oh God, don’t punish me for whingeing about doing the dishes. I’m sorry. Just please don’t punish me by making me write a crap essay”.

Anyway I got  the dishes done and high-tailed back upstairs.

1 1/2 hours later it’s pretty much finished. I’m way over the minimum word limit and I cannot believe what’s written down came from me. Ok I don’t mean to sound arrogant. I’m saying it came from God. I told Mum and she said it was because I did the dishes.

So next time you think you don’t have time to do something, and God asks you to do something else. Trust him. He’ll reward you! Can’t believe I’m getting an early night! :)

You’re Here For Me

Count Your Blessings Not Your Worries!

I love it how you never judge me and I can be myself when I’m with you :)