It is the most controversial thing to have both Jesus and the Devil at work in your life.
There is a constant battle. Jesus owns me, yet the Devil wants to see me fall. He lassoes my heart and binds it in thick rope. It’s closing in tight until all of a sudden the rope is broken free by Jesus, once again at my rescue.
Sometimes it can be hard to know who is who. The Devil will disguise himself as God. We know that God wants the best for our lives and the Devil beguiles us into thinking that the wrong thing to do will make us feel good. And it does… for a short time. But it leaves us feeling rotten inside. Literally.
Here’s how I’ve seen it lately. I’m weak, so the Devil is using that at a physical advantage. I’m seeing friends lives fall apart so my heart is breaking. I’m feeling down because I feel so helpless in these situations.
When they don’t want me, I start feeling sorry for myself. I think of the ways they have hurt me. The things they have said. The lies the Devil told them about me and the fact they believed them.
I miss seeing them. I miss laughing with them, singing with them, jogging with them, shopping with them. I miss breakfast with them, I miss face masks with them, I miss writing songs with them… I miss the life I used to have with them. The fact that they have inverted and left me hanging tears me apart. The fact that they only care about themselves and how it affects them makes my heart sore and stirs up anger within me.
I ask myself, how could we have been so close and now, so distant? How could our relationship be so beautiful only to become so despicable? How could they call me their friend and then break my heart?
So anyway back on track… here I am totally wallowing in my own self pity, dwelling on my own personal heart ache. I’ll being wearing their t-shirt without realising it or think I see them in the street. Our favourite song will come on the radio and I realise I can’t stop thinking about them. I’m seeing them everywhere and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
I’m getting more torn up inside after every time I think of them and all I want to do is cry.
Until I realise the Devil is getting me. Oh how he is getting me and he is getting me good. He has a tight rope, strangling the life from the depths of my heart and I’ve just let him do it.
I realise even though I have every reason to be upset. I have every reason to cry and every reason to be heart-broken I’ve got to relinquish it. I’ve got to stop thinking about myself and think of them. What misery they must be going through. Dredging through life without God by their side. Taking wrong turn after wrong turn until their life caves in on them.
Yes I’ve got to stop dwelling in my own self pity. I’ve got to think of them and I’ve got to pray. That’s what I do. I pray. I promised them I would. They swore at me and rejected me but I promised I would never cease to love them. And I promised them and God I would pray.
So every time their name comes up and my heart skips a beat. I let go of the resentment and ask God to give me his love and I pray.
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