Snapshots On The Road To Nowhere

Apparently we might not even bother trying…

Nice encouragement from the teacher. Keeps telling us how hard it is, that she doesn’t think we’re up to it. Perhaps it not that she doesn’t belive in us as much as she doesn’t believe in herself. I can’t understand why though… we all believe in her and truly adore her. I mean she’s pretty inspirational and I gotta admit I hope to be like her one day.

Still, I don’t understand what is with all this discouragement. I haven’t learnt a thing in four weeks except how hard this next year will be. Sure I know that. We all do. I just don’t understand why we must dwell on the negative instead of investing in the positive.

I know we won’t top the state. All of us know that and we definitely aren’t expecting to. We know there are students a million times brighter, harder working and with more money to spend on their education.

I don’t mind. I’ve accepted where I’m at and I’m thinking maybe she needs to aswell. Otherwise I don’t see the point in trying. What’s the point in wallowing in disdain when you could be out there trying your best? Honestly, it’s only school. I know I’m not going to do so fantastic and that’s because I actually have a life. I don’t mind that.

I just wish each class was not staring into the future of what is seemingly nowhere. Rather than looking at what is on the other side can’t we just enjoy now? Can’t we just do our best now? Split up this journey and break up our future. Take some snapshots along the way.

That way if we do get nowhere at least we can remember the journey and be greatful for that.

 

Renewed.

I’m changed. I’m different. I’m positively on fire again. Jesus has swept me up in the palm of his hands just as He promised and just as I trusted He would.

In ten hours time I will be at school ready to embark the HSC, my final year. When arrive the teachers will set before me the goals they wish me to achieve. I will dedicate my time to achieving these goals and they will be my ultimate purpose.

But where is the motivation?

It seems kind of crazy but I spent my last weekend of sanity in a church hall learning how to be a Girls’ Brigade leader. I did the exact same camp two years ago but I never did the assessment so I found myself amoungst year nine girls as the girl who never graduated. Actually, it wasn’t like that at all. I was like every word that was written, every song that was sung, every prayer that was prayed, every verse that was read was for me.

Now I’ve got to be honest this past year has not been the best for me. Sure I feel really good about how I did at school and I’m amazed at how much stuff I learnt but what undermined the joy of that was knowing I sacrificed my special time with God to achieve that. I lost sleep, I lost friends, I lost my life. I never realised how bad it was until I had these holidays to spend time with my family, clean up my room, go shopping for swimmers with Mum and write some songs. I realised had it been school term I would just be stressing about something ‘important’ that needed to be done.

If that’s what the pressures of year eleven did to me, what the heck was year twelve going to do? I knew I needed God. For months I have tried to scrape by with the knowledge and faith He will get me through but there was not much else. No fire. No direct purpose. No time to think, dwell, meditate. Yet as the holidays progressed I wasn’t confident in how year twelve would go. I was confident in God, but I wasn’t confident in myself.

But this weekend I drew near to him. I surrounded by some young christian girls and some older leaders on fire for God and passionate about us girls. I want to be like that. I would to shine forth with God’s light and burst with passion for his cause. But I cannot do that if I don’t stay connected with Him. Like this Bible verse says.

John 15: The Vine and the Branches

 ¹“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. ²He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. ³You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. ⁴Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.  ⁵I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. ⁶If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. ⁷If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. ⁸This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

Be connected to God! I’m excited now because I can see that I will grow from Him as my source of life and I say ‘bring on the cutting and the pruning’ because I know Jesus is refining me and making me stronger so that I can bear even more fruit. Even though I long for the intimate relationship I had with God in the past I know I can’t look back. I must press forward through these trying times and when I reach the light at the end I will be stronger and closer and bearing more fruit than ever before.

If any of you have been feeling discouraged like me, I know how you feel. Anyone who’s been reading this blog has seen I just don’t have it all together. I fail. I get upset and I get confused. But one thing I never have done is doubt. I’ve always known God is here and I pray that each of you knows He is with you too. Every step of the way. He promises and I promise too. If you’re waiting for God to answer your prayers He will. It might take a few days, weeks or maybe more like a year like me. Maybe it will be longer than that and I’m sorry but whatever you do seek Him out with all your heart and you will always find him.

:) Love

Do You Even Know What ‘HSC’ Stands For?

How often do the teachers remind us of the ‘HSC’ ?

Every two seconds. I reckon I must hear them refer to it about 17 times a day. Probably more! Maybe I could start a tally…

Anyway the year 12 students are doing their trial exams at the moment so the teachers are taking it out on us year 11 students. Let me tell you they are partially succeeding in their mission to scare us to death! Not so sure I’ll make it through to the actual HSC exams without having a melt-down.

So the HSC is a massive part of our lives right. Apparently our purpose at the moment is to live and breathe school so we can do out best and do fantastically in life.

But today I’m thinking it can’t really be that important. See the amount of times my teachers raise the subject of the HSC never did I pick up what it stood for! In year 10 we have the ‘School Certificate’ and I always thought HSC stood for ‘High School Certificate’ but it doesn’t!!!

Who knew it actually stands for ‘Higher School Certificate’!?!

Haha! I laugh in the face of evil!

Meanwhile I just have to make it through the next year without falling in love :) How impossible to be in love when you have school to focus on. That would be so horrible cause you wouldn’t be able to help it.

Anyway… that’s off subject :)