Don’t Hide Yourself Away

What’s wrong? Why are you so hesitant? Do you wish you didn’t know me? Did I do something wrong? I thought we were friends? I just wanna know what’s up. I want to help. Let me in? Please?

Deserted (Somebody To Lean On)

This is pretty much how I feel at the moment.

It’s sad when your ‘best friends’ don’t act like best friends and it’s hard to push yourself onto others for want of being loved.

It’s hard to complain about friendship to people because you don’t want to offend them.

Today I was a bit teary and I was asked if I was ok. What was I meant to say, ‘no, it’s because I feel like I have no friends and nobody cares for me’? Yeah wasn’t about to say that. Especially when she has it incredibly more tough than me.

Gosh is this my only vent? A hole in cyberspace that doesn’t respond? Is this the only place I can express my feelings without feeling guilty?

In fact, I feel guilty now because you guys have to read this, so in honest truth it seems the only place I can turn is to my diary, my Bible and God.

I know he’s always there and I don’t know where I’d be if I didn’t have that assurance but sometimes it gets hard.

I could just be imagining it. I could have just been paranoid when my friend turned the music up, thinking it was because he didn’t want to listen to me talking. Or he really could have been wishing I’d shut up.

I just feel worthless right now. I know I shouldn’t. I know I’m not but I can’t stop this negativity from pervading my life. And the concepts penetrate so deep making me wary of scars. I find myself putting up barriers and it’s no wonder I have no friends.

This is sad. I’m sixteen. Aren’t friends meant to be what 70% of my life is about? Yeah sure I’m independent, I got that but everybody needs a friend.

I just wish that “lean on me” song could be taken literally. I’m there for them. When will someone be there for me?

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there’s always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you’re not strong
And I’ll be your friend
I’ll help you carry on
For it won’t be long
‘Til I’m gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you don’t let show

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can’t carry
I’m right up the road
I’ll share your load
If you just call me

… but it won’t be long til I’m gunna need somebody to lean on